The Axe Looms........

What does one expect out of life! Its quite an absurd thought, and that has been pestering my mind for quite some time. Well i am at crossroads if i think about what i expect from my life! I had not given much thought about it, although i do have ambitions to make it large in life but still that link , the proper angle is still missing. There is a weak link , a missing piece of jigsaw that requires to be filled in to complete the puzzle of my life. Having said all this i also secretly wish that i never find it. If that hypothetical missing link is found then i might probably be at peace and i might cease to exist.

Why this thought and why this scrawl about some fictitious missing link? Well i guess its fueled from a sense of insecurity, maybe these insecure times has evoked a sense of uncertainty within me of whether i am sailing in the right direction. Uncertain times , well yes that's what this recession is all about. Each morning you wake up and think not about breakfast but whether there will be that chair in office waiting for you or will it be a thing of past. The recent economic downturn has had a multifarious effect on each and every individual, that can be traced down to the grass root level. I am not a big economic pundit, but still after reading various articles and newspaper reports i could only come up to one conclusion that can be the underlying factor for all this economic menace called recession, and that's GREED. Big banks going bust, business's going bust well what not and a some one has said that its all AIG , American Innocence and Greed. Then since man is a social animal and since the attribute called greed is present in all human beings it easily got cascaded into other economies and soon we have the entire world reeling under recession of which the majority , including me and you might have had no role at all. I would not like to elaborate much on the facts and figures or any other economical jargon. The only evident thing is that we are facing a crisis of which the end is no where near in sight. Some of us might be affected and some of might have been spared. I was lucky enough to miss the axe, but still it looms and swings overhead, it is exactly this uncertainty that's made me think of what i should expect from life.

While having a chat with a friend, he mentioned that we should all be satisfied with the simple pleasures of life and be happy with what we have. We should change and modify our lifestyle according to the need of the hour. I somehow found that unconvincing, its again a matter of perspective, because if a person is satisfied with his life it means that he has either achieved what he had wanted or then he might have changed his mental framework to adapt to what he has and accept it. I cannot accept the fact that a person can be satisfied for ever. Happiness, satisfaction, success, sadness etc all these emotions are a temporary state of mind. It reaches a peak stays like that for some time then fades and lingers into some dark corner of our memory, and at times there is a huge amount of probability that we might reminisce about it. I believe that we are all in an eternal pursuit of happiness. When we face situations that need strength and courage then we should rise to the occasion. If we buckle under pressure and give up hope that we cannot make it and rise to occasion, then probably we will go into a different mind frame , a mind frame which will make us think that, this is my future and i should try and adapt to this and wait for better times to come my way. No, that is definitely not me, i will not accept any downturns in my life as my destiny of my fate and sulk over it for a very long time , i will face them and work a way out. The tunnel is long and dark, but there is light at the end and we will find it if we keep walking, sorry i had to borrow this phrase from my good old friend Roshan.

Recession can take away your job, not your future. It cannot snatch away the love from your loved ones, although you might have to fight the social stigma surrounding a job loss. As long as you have the support of your loved ones and your desire to make more out of life, as long as you have hope you will not be a victim forever. These uncertain times are an eyeopener, let us all rise like a phoenix bird from the ashes to a new future so bright that we might find that missing link of puzzle in life. I don't care about the looming axe any longer, let it loom and soon it will tire itself.

A trip down the memory lane!

A trip down the memory lane, well its something that we all wish if it is worth to revisit the past. Some memories are worth cherishing and some are not even worth a glance. Ask anyone and they might probably say that they had a helluva of a time while in school, college, childhood etc.
Ask me and I would say, heck yes! How can one forget those days, when you lived each day as a king without even a penny in your pocket! It’s all part of the game, of a life wherein you live in a la la land , a land where dreams are ignited, passion marked with strong emotions, imagination has no boundaries, talent can be found at every nook and corner, trouble is the middle name and an unmatched fervency that can often land one in a tight spot.

It all started in the November of 2000 at NSS Engineering College; I still remember that chill down my spine when I walked into the campus for the very first time. I don’t mind revealing the fact that I was a nervous wreck, and I wasn’t surprised when I saw many more faces which were far worse than mine. The rest is history; pretty soon the dream run came to an end. Those four wonderful mesmerizing years if penned down would make a good reading.

Having said so at lengths about the college and the past, I got the opportunity to visit the campus after four years (although I must admit that I had been a regular visitor at campus for a year even after the course was over just to complete what I had started, back papers!!!) because Mocha was marrying Fiji his neighbour (we pity her!!) .His marriage was at Malappuram near to Palakkad and our college. So we decided that we will have a rendezvous at college just to get the essence of how we were a couple of years ago. Boy! We had a blast. We were a handful of people from Bangalore, Trivandrum, Cochin etc. Gireesh, Jojy, Ragesh, Josephettan, Anjana, Sinu, Vivek, Vijay no sorry Kozhi, Litty, Atul our juniour, Litty, Nilby, Arjun and Madhu.

We visited all the spots that we used to frequent; we literally took a trip down the memory lane. Personally, I enjoyed a lot. I had a lot of experience both bitter and sweet, and it was like a mixed bag of emotions. The joy that I had knew know boundary, when I left college I was in a very bad shape and after going through many rough patches I finally got some long lost solace. As I had mentioned earlier, some memories are not worth cherishing and some are worth nurturing. I happened to be lucky enough, because I had a good time. I must say that when you also have your life partner from the same college then the memories will last longer. Well it was a pleasure to walk down the campus roads with Anjana who is now my wife, but a couple of years earlier just someone whom I had envisaged to make my life partner. When dreams turn into reality, and when you revisit the places where you had exchanged vows with the same person, it is definitely a moment that makes you a bit emotional, in a good way. Things are not always rosy for all, that’s why we all have a different view at things. That’s the beauty of life; all have a different view of their past, present or future because each on of us looks at it with a different perspective.

The hostel life, well it is undoubtedly the jewel in the crown. The life that we had in hostel is worth more than any exotic vacation that we might have. As soon as I entered the hostel I could see many students in the common T.V room, but after a couple of seconds these faces started to change and suddenly I found my self in midst of my friends, there was sallu, then eajaz, binu, unnikuttan, unda, KK, thotti, gireesh, katta ravi, mocha, jetty prasanth, dineshan,Vava etc what was the occasion, oh!! Euro Cup matches was going on and a game between England and France was being aired. There was jeering, booing and it was a hell inside, a thick waft of scissor filter smoke was filled in the room, a single cigarette and any people, that’s the normal equation. The tension was palpable, no one could escape the high tension atmosphere as England was leading with a goal and Binu was furious over this, a fight was literally lurking around the corner if France lost and amidst this only one guy was cool and he was chimbroo as he was sleeping amongst this chaos ,as usual. Luckily France won, England supporters which includes me ran for their life for fear of Binu unleashing his wrath. I was suddenly bought back from my past as we went to visit the Underworld, the wing where we used to stay. The remains of the graffiti that we had drawn is still there, although underworld had changed to study world nothing else changed. When we were there it was mischief and complete chaos, but now it looked tamed, I could see laptops in each room, with Wireless connectivity among fellow hostel mates, tech talks, and future was their top priority. For us a typical day involved a K-Thals, hmmm I hope the guys still remember this. Then we had visits from a very hungry, no ever hungry shabbu whom we call as ‘maadu’ coz he opens his mouth to eat and to talk nonsense, no offense shabbu. But again those days are gone; it’s true that people evolve because I found that the young students are very much concerned about their future, their jobs even during the first semesters which is a good thing because most of us were not even aware of what or where we will end up even during our final semesters.

Finally on a parting note after meeting all the people in our mess and other surrounding area where I was a part of we left to shabbu’s house, which was a favourite hangout for me. Whenever I had a craving for homely food, Shabbu’s mom was there to rescue, its no wonder that shabbu is a glutton coz aunty makes some fantabulous chicken curry. The evening was spent at his home, the food along with shabbu’s fathers stories made the day even merrier.

Even though I cherished each and every moment at hostel and college I know that now I can never be a part of that life. I can only rejoice those moments and have a laugh at the lighter side of life. I guess the only other visit to college with a good gathering of close friends will be when we attend shabbu’s marriage. I hope he obliges, unless he turns into a gay or something! Looking forward to that marriage and the gala gathering.