A trip down the memory lane!

A trip down the memory lane, well its something that we all wish if it is worth to revisit the past. Some memories are worth cherishing and some are not even worth a glance. Ask anyone and they might probably say that they had a helluva of a time while in school, college, childhood etc.
Ask me and I would say, heck yes! How can one forget those days, when you lived each day as a king without even a penny in your pocket! It’s all part of the game, of a life wherein you live in a la la land , a land where dreams are ignited, passion marked with strong emotions, imagination has no boundaries, talent can be found at every nook and corner, trouble is the middle name and an unmatched fervency that can often land one in a tight spot.

It all started in the November of 2000 at NSS Engineering College; I still remember that chill down my spine when I walked into the campus for the very first time. I don’t mind revealing the fact that I was a nervous wreck, and I wasn’t surprised when I saw many more faces which were far worse than mine. The rest is history; pretty soon the dream run came to an end. Those four wonderful mesmerizing years if penned down would make a good reading.

Having said so at lengths about the college and the past, I got the opportunity to visit the campus after four years (although I must admit that I had been a regular visitor at campus for a year even after the course was over just to complete what I had started, back papers!!!) because Mocha was marrying Fiji his neighbour (we pity her!!) .His marriage was at Malappuram near to Palakkad and our college. So we decided that we will have a rendezvous at college just to get the essence of how we were a couple of years ago. Boy! We had a blast. We were a handful of people from Bangalore, Trivandrum, Cochin etc. Gireesh, Jojy, Ragesh, Josephettan, Anjana, Sinu, Vivek, Vijay no sorry Kozhi, Litty, Atul our juniour, Litty, Nilby, Arjun and Madhu.

We visited all the spots that we used to frequent; we literally took a trip down the memory lane. Personally, I enjoyed a lot. I had a lot of experience both bitter and sweet, and it was like a mixed bag of emotions. The joy that I had knew know boundary, when I left college I was in a very bad shape and after going through many rough patches I finally got some long lost solace. As I had mentioned earlier, some memories are not worth cherishing and some are worth nurturing. I happened to be lucky enough, because I had a good time. I must say that when you also have your life partner from the same college then the memories will last longer. Well it was a pleasure to walk down the campus roads with Anjana who is now my wife, but a couple of years earlier just someone whom I had envisaged to make my life partner. When dreams turn into reality, and when you revisit the places where you had exchanged vows with the same person, it is definitely a moment that makes you a bit emotional, in a good way. Things are not always rosy for all, that’s why we all have a different view at things. That’s the beauty of life; all have a different view of their past, present or future because each on of us looks at it with a different perspective.

The hostel life, well it is undoubtedly the jewel in the crown. The life that we had in hostel is worth more than any exotic vacation that we might have. As soon as I entered the hostel I could see many students in the common T.V room, but after a couple of seconds these faces started to change and suddenly I found my self in midst of my friends, there was sallu, then eajaz, binu, unnikuttan, unda, KK, thotti, gireesh, katta ravi, mocha, jetty prasanth, dineshan,Vava etc what was the occasion, oh!! Euro Cup matches was going on and a game between England and France was being aired. There was jeering, booing and it was a hell inside, a thick waft of scissor filter smoke was filled in the room, a single cigarette and any people, that’s the normal equation. The tension was palpable, no one could escape the high tension atmosphere as England was leading with a goal and Binu was furious over this, a fight was literally lurking around the corner if France lost and amidst this only one guy was cool and he was chimbroo as he was sleeping amongst this chaos ,as usual. Luckily France won, England supporters which includes me ran for their life for fear of Binu unleashing his wrath. I was suddenly bought back from my past as we went to visit the Underworld, the wing where we used to stay. The remains of the graffiti that we had drawn is still there, although underworld had changed to study world nothing else changed. When we were there it was mischief and complete chaos, but now it looked tamed, I could see laptops in each room, with Wireless connectivity among fellow hostel mates, tech talks, and future was their top priority. For us a typical day involved a K-Thals, hmmm I hope the guys still remember this. Then we had visits from a very hungry, no ever hungry shabbu whom we call as ‘maadu’ coz he opens his mouth to eat and to talk nonsense, no offense shabbu. But again those days are gone; it’s true that people evolve because I found that the young students are very much concerned about their future, their jobs even during the first semesters which is a good thing because most of us were not even aware of what or where we will end up even during our final semesters.

Finally on a parting note after meeting all the people in our mess and other surrounding area where I was a part of we left to shabbu’s house, which was a favourite hangout for me. Whenever I had a craving for homely food, Shabbu’s mom was there to rescue, its no wonder that shabbu is a glutton coz aunty makes some fantabulous chicken curry. The evening was spent at his home, the food along with shabbu’s fathers stories made the day even merrier.

Even though I cherished each and every moment at hostel and college I know that now I can never be a part of that life. I can only rejoice those moments and have a laugh at the lighter side of life. I guess the only other visit to college with a good gathering of close friends will be when we attend shabbu’s marriage. I hope he obliges, unless he turns into a gay or something! Looking forward to that marriage and the gala gathering.

Carnage by the castrated lot.

Mumbai the majestic and glorious city that has been the subject of many traumatic events, be it a natural calamity like the flooding in recent past or terrorist bombing, the city has seen it all and silently borne the brunt of all these incidents with great resilience. But all this would never sum up to the magnanimity of what the city faced recently, another vicious and probably the worst terrorist attack in recent history in Indian soil. The entire south of Mumbai was paralysed due to the act of a couple of terrorist, they literally made the entire country come to a standstill. While we may praise the NSG, MARCO'S, the local police, the fire fighters ET AL, but the fact that still remains is that these gun trotting fundamentalist bastards, wreaked havoc of such a magnitude that leaves gaping holes in our countries intelligence and ability to cope with such situation in future.

The whole point now is not to be morose over the fact that this happened, but it should be the time that the country starts to think about its inability to cope with terrors of such scale, what went wrong and where? If a layman like us can come to multiple conclusion as to why this all happened then obviously all the clever big wigs in the political ladder might be able to put on their thinking hats and list down more, or at least I hope they do. Something incomprehensible to the common man is to why all these fallibility from the government keep on occurring even after repeated attacks. To reiterate what I had said earlier, if I were to list down a series of questions and ponder over them for a while then probably I might feel sick on the fact that our politicians or the so called custodian of these department have failed miserably to get these things accounted for.

The questions are not at all complicated, in fact as I mentioned earlier it is something even a commoner might ask!!! like as follows,

1. Why was it that the elite commandos took so long to reach the site?
2. Why is it that the city's police are so ill equipped, given the fact that the city is prone and vulnerable to violent attacks? The police were seen trotting with old rusty rifles and these terrorist's were branding LMG and automatics?
3. Consider the fact that around 200 fire fighting personnel had only two bullet proof vests.
4. Why isn't the city put under the surveillance system? Like in most mega cities where the CCTV system has virtually all under the knowing eye, we should have the same foolproof system for cities such as Mumbai?
5. Why do the politicians want to resign? They should own up the responsibility and be tried and tested as to why they did not react to the intelligence report about the probability of an attack.
6. When the politicians are mulling over the fact of the alleged involvement of Dawood Ibrahim( this guy is supposedly the mastermind behind many of the terror attacks, and we have till now not captured him, so he has the audacity to challenge the country by taking part in such dastardly act for which he should be ostracised from the face of the world, as he deserves nothing less than death, the unworthy emasculated rotten pig) then why dont we just send a covert team and annihilate him then and there?

These are some of the very basic doubts and questions that I find quite intriguing and disturbing. Its time that the behemoth politicians start acting to the so called India's 9\11. The US were quick to act after their 9\11. There has not been a single act of terrorism in their soil after that act, which had been an eye opener for them. To us , its not so easy as it was for the US, but although not impossible. We live with fundamentals, extremists, jihad's, Hindu fanatic, naxalites and what not. All who are either a part of our nation or find ways to penetrate to our soil by hook or by crook. The so called resilience on the part of Indians is to be blamed, we are ready to adjust and go back to normalcy pretty soon. Lets hope that through this act we learn our lessons and hope that we wont have any martyrs from our soil, we will only have fundamental martyrs who are killed by our brave, fully equipped commandos who nip these insane fundamentalist right at the bud so that innocent civilians or the common fools like us are not affected, and that we can roam anywhere in our country without the fear of being bombed, or bullet ridden by any gun trotting, grenade hauling radical asshole who think that they can destroy the country at their will. No this is not the case, we will not bow or bend to these cowards, lets hope that the government acts and acts fast!!!!

Thoovanathumbikal

Love is in the air! Our dear friend is getting engaged this saturday, this blog has got nothing to do with him. Although he is the main source of inspiration behind this post. How long does it take to fall in love? Cant say, maybe years, maybe seconds, maybe many eons. The duration is very insignificant when compared to the impact that it creates. Time has no binding with the individual in love, the surroundings are extra bright, you feel light at heart. Is it just a chemical reaction in your brain, which stimulates you and keeps you in that state of excitment, or has it got to do more.

I have found out that the people who say that to love is to be weak, it makes you wobbly at heart; are the most gullible victims to fall in love. Even the most tough nuts, crack down, become soft and if there had been any opportunity, I am sure they would run around trees singing and dancing. I havent met a person till now in my life who has not yet been in love. It can be the love of anything, material or immaterial. Love is everywhere, in the eyes of a new couple, in the eyes of a mother, a child, a pet dog, it is omnipotent. We cant find a single film, be it any language devoid of a love or intimacy. If you find people who say that they love nothing, then its just a blatant lie, either they are scared to admit the truth, or they are the ones who love themselves the most.

Why these pompous, pretentious blog on love and that too titled Thoovanathumbikal. Well you can say,inspired form cognisable surrondings. How many of us might have missed out on that movie? I guess those who have missed out on that have missed out on a classic. The protagonist , Jayakrishnan, he is someone with whom we all can identify at some point of time. There is a jayakrishnan lurking within every one of us. I am not sure who amongst us has identified him.

No more incoherent raving on something which even the most blessed philoshophers and poets have failed to comphrehend. Lets savour the few finite moments of life in love and joy, and wish the soon to marry couples Gireesh and Soumya a very happy engagement.

Two Years

I have been contemplating on certain things for a long time, when I say things; it actually refers to my past. My entire belief is based on forgetting the past and dumping it, but it still haunts and troubles me as nightmares. Come to think of it we all know that, the only inevitable thing in this life is change, and we all should be open towards changes, but are we?
If the entire peaceful life of yours changes in a flash, how will you grapple with the situation? It’s easy to say, that the changes must be accepted and we must go with the change. I rather think that we must adapt to changes rather than bend to it.
What happened to me that in two years was an eye opener. It might have happened to most of us, but the thing is we might have not noticed it. "What is this life if, full of care, we have no time to stand and stare" as quoted by W.H Davies. Even though Davies drew parallel with nature’s beauty, I am drawing parallels with the beauty of life. Have we ever stopped and stared at the finer nuances or the subtlety our life. I am not being poetic here, nor philosophical. The two years that had been the most dramatic, and the most turbulent time in my life has made me think, rethink at how best to cope with the changes, be it good or bad.

What made these changes, were these a simple probability game, some one throwing the dice and making life change, a random probability experiment by supreme force; maybe , maybe not. I am an agonistic person, so I won’t deny the fact of a supreme being out in existence, because the world is too complicated to be explained by big bang theory, unified particles theory, string theory or any run of the mill theory. In a similar manner I neither support the manifestations of the Supreme Being into sects sub sects of different classes. Again coming back to the context, to make more sense, why did it happen to me?

What were these changes; to begin with, after breaking from the cocoon of safety from college life, and being exposed to the real world, I realized how vulnerable I was. I was stripped of all the false notions, staring at the real world. What was the change, well it was not all of a sudden it was slow, my sheer negligence and utter disrespect of curriculum landed me in a terrible soup. I was without a degree, and facing a life full of opportunity which was beckoning me, taunting me, but here I was helpless, muted down and that’s when I realized and stared back at what I had missed upon. The finer nuances that i had talked about earlier; it was here that I realized what I had lost, and gained. It is well said that you realize the importance of something when you have lost it. I realized the importance, of having to maintain a very balanced curriculum along with the social life that I had back at college. I realized on the numerous lost opportunities because of the lack of foresight so infact these changes were not a random probabilistic game at all it was a series unfortunate events, well not out of a Lemony Snickets tale, but out of callousness from my part.
How did i go about it, i lamented, fretted, fumed, cursed God for throwing the wrong dice and making me an experiment, and spent a lot of time just doing nothing apart from basking in the glory of my failure. After a certain point in time i realized that i was drowning and had to do something to get back onto the main stream in order to survive. What i did was nothing extraordinary; i just gave things a try. If we focus on the problem alone, then probably we will be faced with a garbled solution. If we focus beyond the problem, maybe we will see things more clearly. This was not an idea which ricocheted like a thunderbolt from a clear blue sky. It is now, when i think about those hard times that i realize that i could have done much better if i considered other options. My main obstacle was to clear my papers. Rather than focusing on the numbers i just took each subject and, made sure that whatever i studied i should pass. It worked, although it took time, it worked. Then i had to get rid of my ego. The ego had built itself into a ominous monster, and to satisfy his craving was almost an Herculean task. Of all the difficulties in this world, i feel that to shed of ones ego, or to tone it down, is an arduous task. If we do this then all will fall into place. I am not saying that we should not have an ego, that’s not my point. Without an ego we would be listless, a saint. Who doesn’t have an ego, even animals have it. What we must have is a healthy ego. In order to tone down mine, i had to realize what i was dealing with, what were the tasks at hand, where i could go if i paddled in the right direction, it helped to certain extent. I was always envious of my friends, well here goes one more level of my ego, i hate to admit it but yes. I was envious, because most of them were placed and were in coveted places in very good companies, and why was i envious because they did well, no i was envious because that could have easily been me. I always fumed on this point, i always thought that i could do much better than him or her, but still i am here, i thought that i was destined to be like this. This was one of the egos that i worked on, and finally i overcame it, at least for a brief period of time. We are a manifestation of our own imagination; we are what we think we are. As long as you don’t think that you are worth something in this world then its better that you stop living, probably you might be already dead or like a zombie. I tried to believe that i am worth something, because even the worst of us can serve as the best example. I believed in the popular notion that it’s THE I CAN that will help anyone rather than the I.Q. I took up a simple job, worked and toiled on that job, working on peanuts. My perseverance paid in the end. After a hiatus of two years, i finally got a break here in Bangalore, although its nothing much to make a commotion about, still the job is much better.

What will i conclude this post with? Have i actually proved something? Have i actually done something remarkable? Was i outstanding in overcoming my challenges?
The answers are an emphatic no. But the thing is i tried, although i haven’t got much far, but i have made progress. Will i stop trying to achieve the rest of my dreams? Well heck no, i will not stop. I will keep pushing myself even if I fail, meet drastic changes, but i will never falter, because i believe in trying and in believe in ME.